I had to begin to learn to talk again. I didn’t know how to do anything — I mean anything. An additional problem was that I had no memory and didn’t know who I was. Neither did anyone else. I had been unconscious or semi-conscious for nine months in different levels of coma, and two more months regaining what most would call consciousness. Then came long months of rehabilitation. I was a rare case because I had no memories at all, not even my name, a condition which was almost unheard of. The medics and the police later thought I was pretending, since it was unusual for memory loss to extend to identity, I had something to hide, probably the reason I was beaten up. I learned to understand, to talk, to walk, to read, to dress myself, to wash and to use the toilet, not necessarily in that order! Much later I learned to write. The pain was intense and the struggle long and dispiriting. My emotional life was all to pot as well. I was by turns aggressive and docile, optimistic and. My first thought was to shake it off and blame it on the beer and pot. Should I get up and leave? Should I yell at Doug, telling him I wasn’t into guys?As I contemplated what to do, I wondered why I wasn’t pissed off at Doug. Why didn’t his kiss turn me off? Was I willing to end a nearly lifelong friendship because Doug was able to gather enough courage to tell me his feelings? It was clear my friend felt scared and conflicted, as did I.I remembered learning about Sue and Karen and how they shared a relationship with each other and with Doug and me. Did I find the idea of bisexuality so obscure I would end my friendship?Deciding the only way for me to resolve my feelings was to explore them freely. I put my hand on Doug’s cheek, leaned in, and kissed him, doing my best to show the same passion as he did when he kissed me. It felt as if time stood still as we kissed each other again. Doug wrapped his arms around me as I did the same to him. When he parted his lips, I relaxed.
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